Running a marathon

Once upon a time ,there was a girl called Lily. Her dream was to run a marathon .One day , she got a letter and it said to miss Lily you have got this letter to tell you that you are aloud to run the world marathon. The next day ,she turned up to the competition . It was time for them to run so she ran but although she ran quickly ,they still were not making enough progress. she asked her friend to come and they got through the marathon together thanks to her friend she got enough money  for charity.

 

 

One thought on “Running a marathon”

  1. Hello,

    Your story has a good potential.

    I like the way you set up the story, introduce Lily, show her goal and then end the story with how her friend’s came to help her. Yes, friends do help complete a goal, ya?

    Good writes take readers connects readers to the story, you have done just that. Your story took me down a memory lane. Several years ago, I walked a half marathon; my husband run/walk a full marathon. For last mile he had wiped out. Therefore, like Lily, he called his best friend – me. I walked toward him from the waiting tents and walk back with him to final mile.

    At the beginning of the paragraph, for several sentences, you are leaving a space before coma or period instead of after it. You may wish to edit it.

    I am looking forward to reading more of your stories.

    Happy writing.

    Mrs. Trivedi-Ziemba
    Team 100 WC, USA
    http://trivediziemba.edublogs.org/

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