portel

before the trees where waving in the wind the leafs where rutserling  Josh cycled in the center  of the path. after that Josh put his bracks on because a tree fell down he slowly turned around. Josh was frightend  he triped over a rock and fell down a whole he saw this thing that shimmerd  and was like gas particales he diped his hand in there it was as red as a snake. he  looked worried then he looked at a clock it was near dawn. then he dipped his head in the portel it was amazing to see Spain

2 thoughts on “portel”

  1. Hi Rory!
    I like your piece because you used words like shimmered and gas particales.
    what is your favorite type of story? mine is realistic fiction and mysteries.
    Do you like sports? If so, what is your favorite?
    You might want to improve on spell checking words like “portel”.
    Love to learn more about you!
    Come check out my blog!
    https://kidblog.org/class/rays-1718-am-rockstars/posts?author=47y5vunb8ue0w27o57xu7suwt&status=published&status=review&status=draft

  2. Hey Rory!! I really enjoyed your piece. 2 specific things I really liked about your story was I could picture what was happening in my head also, I liked how you used descriptive words. One thing I think you can work on is knowing when to put a uppercase letter. For example when you first started your writing you did not begin with a capital letter. One more thing I think you can work on is using more punctuation in your piece because you only used 1 punctuation which was a period. Overall I think you piece was great even though there were some mistakes.
    Please checkout my page, Hayley from Illinois
    https://kidblog.org/class/rays-1718-am-rockstars/posts?author=aiskjm741jqfk8j0emeli02k2&status=published&status=review&status=draft

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